America's Daftest Criminals

This is a survival story, as you see on Discovery-okay, maybe not.
Monica Usher (above), 32 years old, of Hudson, Florida in The States, needed to have a wee, it seems she was dying for one. There was a problem for dear Monica though- she was stuck in the woods. Now let's face it, the woods really has nowhere private to urinate, so our dear Meth Head did what one always does in these situations- she called 911 for their educated guidance.
Pasco Sheriff's Officers were dispatched to the call and wound up at Monica's house. Amazingly, she was 'lost in the woods' in her own front yard. Surprisingly, she seemed intoxicated and was guzzling beer. (Bet nobody saw that coming- great twist)
With her kind permission the cops searched a cooler box and for them the night just improved- they found a handgun, neatly placed on top of the cold beer. Of course this resulted in her violent arrest and subsequent strip search. The surprises just kept on rolling in- authorities discovered a vile with Methamphetamine residue in her body. (no guesses to 'where' that means)
She was booked for the hat-trick of the handgun offence, the meth and resisting arrest. However, whether she actually got to have her wee, remains a mystery.

This one is also pretty good.
A 20 year old Mishelle Salzgeber (above), of Dade City, Florida was incarcerated in New Port Richey jail. Her transgression was failing a drug test and thus violating her probation.
All was not lost for Mishelle though, because she has a brilliantly thought out plan to cheat the drug test in jail. Sadly, this most brilliant plan was thwarted when a routine x-ray was done and a bottle was discovered in Mischell's Vagina. (Well, where else would she have hidden it?)
Her crafty plan went as such- fill up a small Vodka bottle with somebody else's urine, place it strategically inside your love tunnel and then submit this urine as your own, when being asked for a sample. How could this have failed?
Wow, she really thought this through. On top of being found out, it turns out the urine in the Vodka bottle, also tested positive for drugs, so her amazing plan would have come apart in the end anyway. Guess she put the 'fool' a foolproof plan.

Our next hilarious tale come from Minnesota. Faribault to be exact.
Daniel Sanchez (21-above) and his equally evil mastermind of an accomplice,  Alonso Silva (19-below), broke into a business and were probably patting themselves on the back for escaping when the alarm went off.
This however, is a case of learning to cover your footsteps. Literally.
The police caught them hanging out or rather hiding out, in a cemetery. Don't make any mistake, though, their quick arrest was not due to any brilliant detective work.
You see, the ground was covered by snow- so all police did, was follow the idiotic due's footsteps from the scene of the crime, to a store and then to where they were so cleverly hiding. Once the footsteps were matched up, the IQ busting couple were promptly arrested and face felony third degree burglary charges.