Wacky Crimes

It's Friday and as such, let's avoid the heavy stuff. Today is daft criminal day again.

Our first tale comes from Chiefland, where a pocket knife wielding chap held up a Chevron store, telling the clerk that as he was in a wheelchair, the cops would not arrest him. The clerk claimed he had been in and out of the store many times that day in his electric powered wheel chair.
At around 10 pm our chair bound thief made his daring move and help up the clerk-who apparently tried to fight back and stabbed our highway robber three times in the leg, before he (wait for it) overpowered her.
Our 22 year old John Christopher Champion, then sped out the store with a twelve pack of beer and electrical wire.

As told by the Gainesville Sun, the police had no trouble finding the criminal who tried to make a fast getaway-he was found behind the store- stuck in sand and drinking a Bud Lite Lime....
He admitted to stealing the beer and tape- but denies robbing the store. Obviously police did not buy it and after his stab wounds were treated, it was off to the slammer.

Athens-Clarks country police responded to a call of domestic violence on Kennedy Circle in Athens. Upon arrival, they noted a lot of pushing and shoving going on and one person with an abdominal wound. Turns out 'after some words', Essie Mae Jones (48) decided to stab Johnny Michael Jones.
It goes without saying that our wild attacker was arrested.
However, before being taken into custody, our ninja had one reasonable request- that she be allowed to smoke her crack pipe before being arrested as she would not be able to smoke it in jail. This alerted officers to the crack pipe at her feet, and added another charge. Oh yes- because she took to stabbing old Johnny in front of her brats, child cruelty was added to the fast growing list of charges.

John H Michaud was in need of some crack coke and not having the money to make the buy, decided to go to the pharmacy to make a withdrawal. Our wanna be 'high'wayman, robbed a pharmacy on West Main street, New London at around midnight. He cleverly hid his disguise by wearing a ski mask. After indicating he had a gun, he demanded all the $20 bills.
Despite his fool proof plan and masterful disguise, Mr M had the wisdom to leave his jacket near the crime scene. And if that was not clever enough, there was a letter addressed to him in the pocket.

Police did not find him at his apartment but strangely he turned himself in the next day, admitting to buying good old drugs with his the money from his heist and treating himself to a night in the woods.
He pleaded guilty to second degree robbery and was awarded 5 years behind bars for his honesty.